Besting self-doubt

One perk of having a day job is getting to the end of the year and finding out you have more vacation time than you’d thought. December is the “use it or lose it” month, and I discovered I have six days to take off.

Why was I not elated at the prospect?

For one, the reason I have a job is because there is work that needs to get done and the company hired me to do it. At first I was frustrated I couldn’t just get paid out for the extra time. The money would have been nice and the work projects I could do those six days would get done by the New Year. Since that wasn’t an option, I became mad.

Mad that had I known about the extra time earlier in the year I would have taken the time before now. I could have extended my Thanksgiving vacation or taken two, long weekend vacations. But the time is gone and I can’t go back, so there was no point in staying mad. I needed to focus on the present. What to do with these six days.

Writing of course. But cramming day after day leads to burn out for me. Still, what is wrong with me? I have six extra days of vacation, time I can use to focus on anything I want outside of work, and I’m just ‘meh’ about it.

Part of the issue is I’m afraid I will squander this time. Having the chance, the time, to write actually makes me a bit panicky. The cycle of self-doubt starts up.

Which is absolutely ridiculous. I know I can do this. I can make my dream career a reality.

The best tool I have found to combat self-doubt is to switch from thinking and planning to doing and recording. Stop making lists of things to do with my abundance of free time. Instead, do things and make an after the fact list to record what I did.

And I have already started. Instead of thinking about how I should write a post I’ve already done it. An hour ago I didn’t know what to make this one about. It’s been awhile since the last one. Just DO something I thought. So I started journaling and this is what jumped to the surface. Before I even knew it, success! Post done.

Ahh, the writer’s life

About Kate Person

Artist - YouTuber - Writer
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